


Stick Around (Sing You Pretty Sounds)

by roryjayce



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Depression, Depression mention, F/F, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Self Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, medication mention, negative self image
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 09:24:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4386488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roryjayce/pseuds/roryjayce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tyler Joseph is a star post-guard for Worthington high school. He's a jock, popular, and loves life....that is, until he moves. At his new school he discoverers two things: number one: he hates basketball and number two: he might be gay. Tyler's world is turned upside down by Josh Dun, a junior who helps him out his first day of school. Josh is a blue-haired drummer for the school band who makes an affectionate bond with Tyler Joseph. Josh has just recently broken up with his girlfriend, Debby and is missing the warmth of a human touch. One night, after a bad day at school, Tyler takes his life into his own hands; planning his own demise. Josh Dun saves the day and Tyler Joseph doesn't think he can repay him. But can he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

It was just after winter break and Tyler was at a new school. The first day of school was always the hardest for Tyler. He had moved schools so many times in his life that it seemed like it should be easy by now. Even so, here Tyler was, minutes from the first bell ringing, crying next to the stairwell as his heart beat out of his chest. He tried his very hardest to compose himself because he was a freshman, for Christ's sake. “God damnit,” he whispered as he dug through his backpack, frantically trying to find his schedule. He finally pulled out the teal paper, the one that had his locker number and lock code, both of which he had failed to remember. And now he worried he would get in trouble for having his backpack in class.  
People swirled passed Tyler as he tried to compose his breathing. Not one stopping to help the freshman boy, obviously struggling. Not until a mysterious blue-haired boy brought himself away from the flow of the stairwell to talk to Tyler.  
“Uh, hey. Are you okay?”  
Tyler quickly tried to dry his eyes and toughen up, but his composure broke as fast as he had built it up. “I don't know where I'm going and this is my first day here and I can't find my locker either and I just don't know what to do,” he spluttered in one big sentence.  
The blue-haired boy quickly introduced himself, “Hey, hey. It's okay. My name is Josh. Let me take that. Whats your name?” Josh took his back pack and quickly slunk it over his shoulder with a grin. He had a tiger growl grin and squinty mocha eyes. Tyler decided in that moment that the squinty eyed boy was beautiful.  
“I uh,” Tyler stuttered. “I'm Tyler. Tyler Joseph. I'm a freshman.”  
“Josh Dun. I'm a junior. Where's your locker?  
“It's number 269.” Tyler pointed to the number printed on his teal sheet, showing it to Josh.  
“Oh, that's right over here.” He beckoned Tyler over past the stairwell, only a few paces away. His locker was up against the wall of the hallway. Literally only a few feet from where he was standing.  
“God, I'm so stupid,” Tyler muttered, regretfully. He thought he looked dumb in front of the cute junior boy.  
“Not stupid, just stressed. Don't worry about it, Ty.” Tyler liked that Josh already had a nickname for him. “Okay, so, what's your lock code?” Josh winced as the first bell rang. “Also, who do you have for first?”  
“I have Ritzer for first.” Tyler replied.  
“Okay, Ritzer is pretty easy to get by, you should be okay. And as for me, I don't have a first period so I can come and hang out with you if you'd like.”  
“You'd really do that for me?” Tyler asked, astonished.  
“Of course, pal. So what's your locker code?”  
“Oh, it's 11-5-21.”  
Josh popped open his locker and helped Tyler get out his binder. “So, I guess I'll be your guide for the day, if that's okay with you.” Josh said, walking down the hallway.  
“That'd be rad.”  
Josh lead Tyler to his first period, which was advanced art. He wondered how Tyler had gotten into such an advanced class, most of the people in that class were juniors and seniors. Tyler still seemed worried so Josh tried to reassure him, “I promise Ritzer will be cool. Especially if you play the scared freshman card.”  
“I wasn't scared.” Tyler said defensively.  
“Hey, you're pretty when you cry.” And Josh really did think that. Tyler was cute. He was taller than Josh by a couple inches. He had short brunet hair and lovely green-brown eyes.  
Tyler noticed that Josh was always grinning. Like he knew something no one else did. He walked with a confident stride, and his blue hair moved with him. Tyler wondered why he had chosen blue. Why not red or purple?  
"I see you're admiring my luscious locks huh?" Josh remarked as he ran his fingers through his mop of hair with a half grin. God, Tyler thought, He is so fricking cute.  
Tyler tried to play it cool and replied, "Why blue?"  
"Well," Josh said, "I've already been through the spectrum. Red. Purple. Green. Haven't done yellow or orange yet because those colors just seem so gross."  
By then they had reached the advanced art room, and Josh opened the door and gestured for Tyler to enter. The room was brightly lit and full of art, to be expected. There were multiple busts of people around the room, precariously strewn everywhere. There were various posters of Rene Magritte's art work plastered on the walls. Tyler decided he would like this art class.  
The room was also full of junior and senior students, Tyler noticed. And he had a bit of anxiety still pounding in his chest. In the corner of the room, stood a tall, balding man with grey hair. Tyler assumed this was Mr. Ritzer. He wore a button down shirt with little wiener dogs on it.  
"Hey, Mr. R," Josh began. "This is Tyler Joseph, he's new here, and a freshman I might add."  
"Oh good!" Mr. Ritzer boomed; he had a loud, vicarious voice. One that was friendly enough to calm Tyler's nerves. "I was wondering where Mr. Joseph was." He smiled a big crooked smile and gestured to an open seat at the front of the classroom.  
"Hey, R, I don’t have a first period so I was wondering if I could sit and chill with Tyler today? I'm his guide." Josh added, before taking a seat and also gesturing for Tyler to sit.  
"Well, of course, J. I haven't seen you since freshman art. How have you been?" As Mr. Ritzer talked, the rest of the students just continued drawing and Tyler watched one of the nearest students scribble a picture of a penis on what seemed to be his Spanish homework.  
"I've been well. Haven't been drawing much," Josh laughed. Tyler realized how adorable Josh was when he laughed. He looked down with his tiger growl grin that Tyler decided was his favorite smile.  
"Ah. How is the girlfriend?" Ritzer asked.  
"Shes good…" Josh said. Tyler mentally sighed. The cute ones are always straight, he thought. "Well, we broke up. So, she's good…but without me. We're still pretty close friends, though."  
"Do you have your eye on anyone?" Ritzer winked this odd wink that made Tyler a little bit uncomfortable. But he had a sense that that was just the way that this teacher was. Just a little bit off.  
"Someone. But, who knows. I hope it works out." Josh had that dumb half smile on his face again. He was cute and I was jealous of whoever he had a crush on. I was always so fast to fall.  
"Hopefully," Ritzer smiled. "So, Mr. Joseph, where are you coming from?"  
"I'm coming from Worthington, sir." Tyler said, hoping the teacher wouldn't engage him for much longer. He'd much rather talk to Josh and doodle then have a conversation with a teacher that he knew didn’t actually care about him.  
"Ah, a Christian man, you are?"  
"Yes, sir."  
"I hear they have a grand basketball team over there, best in the district."  
"Yes, sir. I played point guard until I moved. I'm sure not how they're doing right now." And Tyler really didn’t care. He had lost interest in basketball when they moved. His dad was the coach and principal at Worthington. The practices were demanding and often. His game had deteriorated towards the end of his half season with Worthington. He didn't want anything to do with basketball and it broke his dads heart. Lately, Tyler had been interested in poetry. Nothing really spoke to him like written word did.  
“Awe, well thats too bad.” Ritzer could tell that Tyler didn't want to talk to him. “Anyway, here is a sketchbook,” he continued, grabbing one off of his desk. “We’re just doodling for the time being. I didnt have anything planned for today; its basically just a free day. So you have about…” He looked at the clock, “One hour and twenty one minutes to work on something.” Ritzer smiled and walked back to his desk, leaving Josh and Tyler alone at the front table.   
Tyler quietly sighed and took out a pencil from his binder..   
“Whats up with the sigh?” Josh asked.   
“I just hate starting new schools. The teachers are always super weird and people normally suck and just… SIGH.” Tyler began sketching out the outline of a face as he tried to gather his thoughts. Everything in his brain was a mess.   
“At least you have meeeeeee.” Josh sing-songed while he bumped Tyler’s shoulder with his elbow.  
“I guess you’ve already seen me cry so that counts for something, doesn't it?”  
“Yes, it does. Especially when you’re such a pretty crier. I’m an ugly crier. I’m a cute napper, though.”  
“A cute napper?” Tyler asked, quizzically.  
“Yep. I look like a kitten.” Josh kicked his feet up on the table and rested his arms behind his head. “Want to play twenty questions to pass the time in this boring class? Sorry R!”  
“Not a problem. Today is boring as hell,” Mr. Ritzer replied.   
“Anyway. I’ll go first. Favorite color?” Josh asked.  
“Orange. But like, light, pastel-ish orange,” Tyler replied, still scribbling on his paper. He noticed that the figure on the paper look precariously like Josh. “You?”  
“Purple, like the lavender color but a bit darker, you know?”  
“What’s your favorite food?”  
“Sushi for sure, I’m an exotic guy.” Josh winked.  
“I like my mom’s spaghetti and meatballs. There’s just something about my mom’s cooking that makes me feel so...at peace. Like I’m loved. I dont know.”  
“Wow man, thats deep. Are you a poet or something? Because you would rock slam poetry.”  
“What’s slam poetry?” Tyler asked confused.  
“Oh dude. It’s when you write something, something that has so much meaning to it. It doesn't have to rhyme or anything, it just has to have this meaning to you. And then you take it to this thing called a slam, where people perform. You memorize it and then you go up in front of everyone and you perform. You don't just read it. You perform this poem that means so much to you and people watch and learn and love. It’s truly amazing.”  
Tyler noticed that Josh had this little twinkle in his eyes when he talked about the things that he loved. Tyler could tell that he loved slam poetry. “Do you write it?”  
“Oh man,” Josh said, scratching the nape of his neck. “I wish i was good at it. I write it but it's all little shitty poems about heartbreak and depression. You know, the typical teenage angst?”  
“Hurt isn’t teenage angst, no matter how much everyone tells you it is. They’re normal human emotions. Never let anyone downplay your emotions. They’re real. And they demand to be felt.” As Tyler spouted his little speech Josh noticed how Tyler liked to talk with his hands. And Josh thought about how nice it would be to hold someone’s hand. Ever since he and Debby had broken up, four weeks ago, he had been longing for human touch. And here someone was, so small (yet taller than Josh) and cute and so passionate about Josh’s feelings without even really knowing him. Josh liked how Tyler’s mouth moved. With diligence and strength, like he was carrying the burden of his thoughts upon his lips. They looked so soft, yet so strong. And in that moment, Josh decided that he would kiss Tyler Joseph, not now. But someday.


	2. Part Two

First and second period went fast for Tyler. First went by with lightening speed because he was with Josh; they laughed and talked and asked questions of each other. Tyler learned that Josh was a drummer and a poet and that he loved cats. Like a strange love for cats. He told Tyler: I want to hug every cat in the entire world. But Tyler didn't find that offsetting; he found it cute. In fact, everything about Josh he found cute. The way he held his chest when he laughed and the way he would scratch his neck when he was embarrassed. The way that he would stare into Tyler’s eyes when Tyler was talking, he made Tyler feel like the only person in the whole world.  
Second period was math and they worked on the quadratic equation, something Tyler had already learned at Worthington. The teacher was impressed by his knowledge on the subject and Tyler finished all of his worksheets before anyone else did. When the class was over, Tyler met Josh just outside the door of his classroom.  
“Hey Tj,” Josh jibed with a smile.  
“Hey Jd,” Tyler returned, with a smile also. Josh loved Tyler’s smile. It was crooked, yet perfect. And he had little dimples near the corners of his mouth that made Josh melt.  
“So, do you do cold lunch or school lunches?”  
“I brought a cold lunch.”  
“Coolio. We’ll go get that. Then, i have something to show you.” Josh winked.  
They went to Tyler’s locker then Josh took Tyler’s hand (Tyler blushed) and lead him toward the art room again, but took a right at the auditorium and into the music hallway. Josh opened the door to a very wide, open room with risers and instruments strewn every which way. Tyler assumed this was the band room.  
“Welcome to the band room!” Josh beamed. This room was Josh’s second home. He had been taking band since he was a little sixth grader. He remembered getting his first drumset when he was twelve and promising his parents he would only play appropriate music on his drums. His parents had the right to take away his drumming privileges if they found any music in his room that they deemed inappropriate. “Hey Mister Wittlinger, I’m going to be using the drums for a bit!”  
“Alright. Just make sure the door is closed tight. I know how crazy you can get in there.” Tyler assumed Mr. Wittlinger was the band teacher, he was another tall, balding man that loved dorky shirts, apparently.   
“Alright,” Josh replied. And then he took Tyler’s hand again. Which, again made Tyler blush. Josh’s hands were firm and rough but soft in intention. He led him to a back room that was obviously soundproofed. All along the wall were guitar cases and right in the middle sat a full, expensive looking drumset. “I thought I’d show you my latest beat?”  
“That sounds wicked,” Tyler said. Josh let go off Tyler’s hand and climbed onto the seat behind the set. He looked so serene behind the drums, almost at home.  
“These drums are basically my family. These are actually ones that I brought and brought to school so that the rest of the student body could find their solace in music. I love that almost everyone can connect to music in some way.”   
“Interesting. I mean, I get it. I totally get it.”  
“And this is kind of off of the subject but,” Josh began. “Like I haven’t seen any television since i was really young. You can’t believe anything that’s on TV because it's all lies. All lies about life and happiness. For me, life and love and happiness is drumming and music and poetry. Those three things keep me going and I haven't had any reason to be caught up in idle fantasies like that, you know?”  
“Sounds like me and basketball. Too bad i lost interest in that,” Tyler muttered.  
“Hey, don't be so dismal. It wasn’t for you. We’ll find something that fits your style, okay kid? Are you ready for some great tunes?”  
Tyler took a chair from one of the walls and brought it up real close to the set so he could see Josh real well. “Am I?”  
“Don’t sass me child,” Josh grinned. “1! 2! 1, 2, 3, 4!”  
Josh didn't like to think when he was drumming. He just liked drum to his heart’s content.  
Tyler liked watching Josh drum. It was like he was in a whole other world. The beat he was playing was light and airy, yet intricate and loud, like drums could be. His showmanship impressed Tyler. The way he would flip his drum sticks around like he was not only working hard, but having fun at the same time. He played a sick beat, for sure.  
After Josh had finished he was a little sweaty. “What did you think?” He asked with his famous crooked smile.  
“Oh my god, Josh. It was amazing. You could be famous with sick beats like that. Are you in a band?”  
“Sadly, no. But you really think so?”  
“I really think so. You could be one of those famous people that sells their hair because they’re so full of themselves. I mean, you’re not full of yourself, you just have really nice hair...uh,” Tyler stuttered. “Anyway. Is there anyway you could record that demo for me?”  
“What for?” Josh asked, wiping his forehead on his shirt and setting his sticks back on the seat.  
“I just think i could hash something out that could go really well with that beat.” Tyler imagined light keyboard and harsh ukulele, but then again, he hadn't played both of those instruments for years. But he figured he could make it happen. He had big plans.


	3. Part Three

The rest of the week went by really fast for both Tyler and Josh. Everyday Josh would walk Tyler to all of his class and give him his famous tiger-growl grin. Then, every other day Josh would hang out with Tyler in art and the two of them would screw around until Mr. Ritzer got a little ticked off, so they calmed down. Tyler enjoyed being in Josh’s company and Josh enjoyed being in Tyler’s.  
Tuesday night Tyler began working on the piano melody for the new song he would pair with Josh’s drum beats. He also started hashing out some of the lyrics.  
But he felt like he was lacking on the chorus but he didn't know what to put there to smooth it out. He just knew that it had to be special. It had to be something that meant a lot to him. The whole song had to be monumentally meaningful or there was no use in writing a song. Tyler wanted to capture every aspect of what he felt about Josh Dun.  
On Wednesday Tyler didn't go to school. He was stricken by depression and couldn't get himself to leave his bedroom. He layed in bed all day, not sleeping, not eating, not watching tv, just lying and thinking. He had a headache the entire day. Nothing, he felt, could pull himself from this deep slump. He fell asleep early that night and awoke thinking of Josh.  
On Thursday night he got in a fight with his father. They fought about Tyler’s depression and his tendency to be apathetic towards family gatherings. Tyler didn't enjoy being with his family. None of them understood the struggles that he went through. None of them had to take medication to help them focus. None of them had to take medication to help them be happy. None of them had to take medication to help keep them alive.  
Tyler hated being the odd one out. He hated that he had to take counseling to make him happy. But, when he was with Josh, he felt so much better. Thats what he told his father on Thursday night when they were screaming at eachother. He told his father that Joshua Dun made him feel alright for once in his life. All his father could do was laugh a scoff. Tyler knew his father would never understand.  
On Friday afternoon Tyler had his mother bring all of his recording equipment from home and both of the boys recorded Josh’s sick beats so Tyler could use them. Tyler loved watching Josh drum.AFter having a shitty first and second period that day, Tyler found solace in watching Josh. He looked so angelic while he drummed. He was a cute, sweaty angel.  
After recording and recording the demo three times, Tyler thought he finally liked what he was hearing. He could picture the notes on his trinky little ukulele. F#m, E A, A. “We don't believe what’s on TV, because it’s what we want to see...” Tyler began to mumble.  
“What?” Josh asked, finishing up his set. He hopped off of the pedestal and set his drum sticks back on his set.  
“Oh nothing,” Tyler smiled. “Just singing the lyrics to this new song I’ve been cooking up.”  
You’re not going to share it with me??”  
“Nope!” Tyler smirked.  
Josh made pouty lips and Tyler heart melted. But he couldn't give away his little secret. He was making this song specifically for the tiger-growl grin boy and he wanted it to be a big surprise. “No matter how much you make you’re cute little pouty lips I won’t tell you, Josh,” Tyler announced, folding his arms.  
“Please? Please please please?”  
“No! Its a surprise!”  
“You know i hate surprises!!” Josh whined.  
“I know.” Tyler smiled, again.  
“What if I tickle you?”  
“Dont you dare touch me!” Tyler shouted as he ran out of the backroom into the band room. He could feel people watching him as he ran away from Josh, who was running after him.  
“Hey gay boys!” Some kid from the corner of the band room shouted.  
Tyler stopped dead in his tracks. He had always been teased for his sexuality something he was never really sure of, as a matter of fact. Kids on the playground used to chase him around the grass calling him a faggot in preschool.Then again in middle school sitting alone at lunch tables because kids didn't want to get infected by the gay boy. He thought things would have at least changed by high school.  
“Are you guys running to go fuck in a closet or something? Ha, faggots.” The kid continued. He was tall, but overweight. But not muscular.  
As Tyler stood there his heart sank. He was a faggot.  
“Hey, you don’t talk to him like that!” Josh said, coming to Tyler’s aid.  
“Hey its fine,” Tyler mumbled, sadly.  
“No it’s not.”  
“You heard me gay boys! Go back into the closet and go fuck or something! You have no place here.” The boy offered.  
“Last time I checked, this was the band room and I’m a drummer and you're being a huge dick.”  
The boy walked forward, toward Josh. “Wanna say that to my face again, gay boy?”  
Josh closed the distance between him and the boy until they were chest and chest. “You’re. Being. A. Dick. Fuck. Off.”  
“You gonna make me?” The boy pushed Josh.  
“Don't you fucking touch him!” Tyler shouted before running up to the boy and punching him the face. The boy fell to the ground as his nose began to spout blood.  
“That asshole just hit me!” The boy shouted as he sat up.  
People around the word stopped their chattering immediately and Tyler couldn't do anything but stand there and stare at his closed fist. I just punched someone, he thought. He had never touched anyone in his entire life.  
Bewildered, Tyler ran out of the room, Josh running after him. Tears began to spout down Tyler’s cheeks.  
“Tyler!” Josh shouted. “Tyler, wait!”  
He ran into the men’s bathroom and into the nearest stall. He closed the door tightly and locked it before burying his face in his arms and letting himself cry. He hated himself. He hated himself for being aggressive. He hated himself for punching someone. He hated himself for being gay. But most of all he hated himself for loving Josh.  
Tyler heard someone enter the bathroom and he assumed that it was Josh. “Hey, Tyler…”  
“Go away,” Tyler mumbled.  
“Why?”  
“Please just go away Josh.”


	4. Part Four

Tyler stood at his kitchen sink with a knife held firmly in his hand. His parents were gone for the night and both of his brothers were at basketball games. Ever since he had moved he felt this drowning sensation in his chest. He was sinking below the surface and air was becoming hard to come by. All of his organs felt like they were shutting down from lack of oxygen and will to live. Tyler didn't want to be alive anymore, that was apparent. And with the steak knife he had stolen from his parent not-so-secret stash of self harm devices, he made horizontal cuts on his wrists, watching the blood fall into the sink in small droplets. It sounded like water from the faucet. Drip. Drip. Drip. Soon the sink was no longer stainless steel color but completely red. And soon hot flashes wracked Tyler's body and his vision faltered. But before Tyler could do anymore, his phone rang from inside his pants. It was Josh.  
"Hey," Josh mumbled.  
"Hey," Tyler replied, monotone, trying not to reveal what he had done. And as he held the phone go his ear his arm bled onto his white shirt. "Fuck," he muttered.  
"What? What's wrong?" Josh sounded worried now.  
"Nothing. Just...ch-chillin'. What about you?"  
"Tyler Robert Joseph. You are not okay and I can tell. Tell me what happened."  
"I-I cut and I took twenty Tylenol." And that's when the Tylenol hit Tyler and he felt himself passing out. "I think I'm blacking out."  
Josh began to panic on the other line. Why would Tyler do this? Was he okay? Would he be okay? "Shit, Tyler why?" Josh asked.  
"I want to die before I'm old."  
Next Josh heard the phone hit the ground and the phone go blank. "TYLER I'LL BE RIGHT THERE."  
Josh quickly called Tyler's older brother, Zack Joseph, whom he had met in senior geometry and was told to be careful with Tyler. Zack gave him his phone number just in case there was an emergency with Tyler. This was definitely an emergency.  
The phone rang six times before Zach answered, and there was cheering in the background. "Hey, Josh, what's up?"  
"I called Tyler tonight just to check up on him because he seemed a bit gloomy after class and he answered and told me he had cut and taken twenty Tylenol and I think he's passed out on the floor because all of a sudden he stopped talking and the phone hit the ground." Josh slurred all of his words together as he tried not to cry. How the hell could he have let this happen to poor little Tyler?  
"Oh my god. What the hell? Josh is he okay?" Zack yell-whispered.  
"I'm honestly not sure but I need your address so I can take him to the hospital."  
"Oh god. Oh no. Okay. It's 421 St. James Place. Oh my god how could I leave him alone?"  
"Its not your fault, Zack," Josh consoled. "Its no ones fault. We can't blame anyone for this."  
"I'll meet you at the hospital in twenty minutes okay?"  
"Okay. Bye Zack. It'll all be okay, I promise."  
"Okay." And Zack hung up.  
After writing down Tyler's address Josh ran out to his car and frantically started it while dialing 9-1-1. "Hi, operator?" Josh spoke as calmly as he possibly could in his fabric state while pulling out of his driveway.  
"Hello. What is your emergency?"  
"My friend has attempted suicide. His address is 421 St. James Place. He hasn't responded for ten minutes now and I think he's passed out."  
"Sir, we'll get an ambulance out there as soon as humanly possible. Thank you for contacting 9-1-1."  
"Thank you."  
Traffic was backed up past Cherry as Josh pulled out of his neighborhood and he feared that when he finally got to Tyler's house that he would be too far gone. Josh honked his horn and people slowed in front of him and got many honks back and middle fingers. He didn't give a fuck.  
Luckily, Tyler only lived about ten minutes away from Josh. Ten excruciating, traffic filled minutes away. But as he arrived at 421 St. James Place the neighborhood seemed eerily quiet.  
Josh tried knocking on the door before trying to enter. He banged and banged and jingled the doorknob until he knew that he wouldn't get a response. He decided he would try the backdoor. The fence wasn't hard to scale but he scratched up his back as he slid down into the Joseph's backyard. Thank god, Josh thought as he opened their back door into their kitchen.  
What Josh saw next was one of the most horrifying things he'd ever see in his entire life. Tyler's lifeless body was flat against the floor, blood coming from both his right wrist and his forehead. He must have hit his head when he passed out. Josh carefully picked up Tyler by the armpits and hugged him tight before shaking him. "Tyler. Tyler please wake up," Josh cried. "I need you to wake up because I can't lose you."  
It took Josh five minutes of shaking and pleading before Tyler's eyes fluttered open. "Tyler!" Josh wept, hugging Tyler closely. Tyler was wordless. He hadn't known what happened. All that he knew was that he was coughing and flood was coming out. And that blood stained his white shirt almost completely through the front.  
After Josh finished his body-crushing, eternally long hug, he took Tyler by his shoulders and stared right into his eyes and said, "I need you to throw up. Right now."  
"Wh-why?" Tyler asked, terrified. Tyler never liked throwing up.  
"You took a lot of Tylenol and I don't know how long until the ambulance gets here. So I need you to try and throw up to stop the damage."  
"You called an ambulance?"  
"Of course I did. I can't have you dying on me. Go make yourself throw up. Right now."  
"I dont think I'll need to make myself," Tyler mumbled as he ran to the toilet. He just barely made it before he began throwing up blood and bile. Nothing else was coming out of his stomach.  
"Why the hell would you do this? And don't hit me with that 'I want to die before I'm old' bullshit."  
Tyler took a second from his retching to look up at Josh from the toilet. "'Die before I'm old'?"  
"That's what you told me right before you passed out. I asked you why you would do this to yourself and you said because you wanted to "die before I'm old'."  
"Sounds like the pretentious asshole that is me." Tyler muttered as he began throwing up blood once more. "God fricking damnit. Why the hell would I do this to myself?"  
Soon after Tyler finished throwing up Josh heard sirens coming. "That's the ambulance," he announced.  
The medic team made him get up on the stretcher and lay down while they examined his cuts. They determined that he would need stitches and that some of the tendon in his hand was severed, causing limited movement with his fingers. When they asked him how many pills he had taken he replied, "Sixty seven."  
"You told me twenty." Josh said, exasperatedly.   
"I didn't want you to worry."  
"Well look where we are now."  
"I'm sorry," Tyler began crying. He hated himself. He hated that he ruined himself. He hated that he hated himself enough to try and take his own life. Why was he so stupid?  
"Please dont cry." Josh begged.  
"I thought you said I'm a pretty crier?" Tyler tried to smile through the fast falling tears. His eyes burned and his head ached. He couldn't tell if he was crying because of his own emotions or because of the pain in his head and wrist.  
"Please don't cry because I'm going to cry." Josh said as a tear slipped out of his eye.  
They loaded Tyler into the back of the ambulance as Josh pleaded to stay with him in the back.  
"Sir, the back is for family members," The squat medic that was closing the back doors refused.  
"Please, I beg of you."  
As she closed the doors shut Josh grabbed her by the arm and pulled her close. "Please. I think I'm in love with that boy and if he's out of my sight right now I don't think I can handle it. I beg of you." Josh searched for the humanity in the medics small, rounded face. He could see her breaking.  
"Fine, oh fine."  
"Thank you thank you!" Josh yelped, kissing the medic on the cheek. She blushed quickly before opening up the back of the ambulance once again, so Josh could sit with Tyler.  
"Hey," Josh said, sitting down and grabbing Tyler's left hand. "How are you doing?"  
"They gave me some Novocain so I don't feel my wrist anymore. I'm so stupid. I'm so fucking stupid."  
"Not stupid just needing an exit. I'm sorry that this happened, Ty. I'm so sorry."  
"Dont be sorry please." Tyler squeezed Josh's hand, feeling weird for being the one consoling. "I'm the one who messed up."  
"I just...I should have taken you home to make sure you were okay. I couldn't tell. You were being weird. I'm so glad I had Zack's number. Without him being an overbearing brother I don't know where we'd be right now." Josh thanked God for Zack being a jackass to him earlier in the week. Without him Tyler might be dead right now. Tyler, the boy Josh thought he was in love with, might be dead.  
"You called Zack? How did you get his number?" Tyler looked worried.  
"Dont worry. He just...kind of told me that if I break your heart he'd kick my ass. And he gave me his number to call in case of emergency. Your big brother really loves you."  
"God. He said that? Sometimes I swear. Ugh. I'm so sorry."  
"Dont worry about it." Josh half smiled his beautiful tiger-growl smile. And Tyler felt okay again. Even though he probably fucked up his hand permanently. Even though he probably destroyed himself from the inside out. Even though the world seemed to be crashing down around him, he felt okay, for once.  
Tyler's wrist wrap kept bleeding through. And that alarmed Josh. They kept reassuring him, it's okay, this happens with cuts this deep. But Josh kept feeling this feeling deep inside of him.  
Zack did indeed meet them at the hospital. Arrived just as they were wheeling Tyler into intensive care. Zack and Josh both stayed by Tyler's side until they wheeled him into the operating room to stitch his wrist up and pump his stomach. Zack kept mumbling little 'I'm so sorry's to himself once Tyler was gone. Josh had nothing to do but hug Zack as he cried into his shoulder. Josh didn't have any siblings. He never knew what it was like to have someone care about another so deeply.  
Josh had never gotten along with his mom or dad. That's why he took to drumming. It was a way to drown out all the pain and suffering that frequented his household. His dad was an alcoholic and his mother was addicted to cocaine. Both of them had been to rehab, multiple times. But nothing seemed to stifle their ways. It hurt Josh, most times.  
It took a couple hours to get Tyler's stomach pumped and to get him all stitched up. The nurses informed Josh and Zack of Tyler's recovery every hour. The first hour was excruciating for Josh. After the first hour, when they got Ty set up to have his stomach pumped, then visitors were allowed in his room. He was unconscious as all of this was happening but Josh never left his side. The nurses allowed him to hold Tyler's hand as the machine did its job.  
Josh kept looking over at his poor little Tyler and fearing the worst. Seeing Tyler hooked up to a breathing tube as another tube down his throat pulled the contents of his stomach out terrified Josh. Tyler's right hand was underneath the blanket but Josh knew what it looked like. Broken. Bleeding. Unfixable.  
Josh knew that Tyler played multiple instruments. Josh couldn't even imagine what his life would be like if he couldn't drum.  
After their second hour there, Tyler's parents showed up. They looked worried and mildly drunk. Josh wondered why they hadn't shown up earlier. Zack was here on moments notice but it took them two hours for them to show up.  
As they walked in, Josh slipped his hand out of Tyler’s. Josh didn't want to accidentally out Tyler while he was unconscious. They were both stopped by a nurse, who told them that they both couldn't be in there since Tyler already had one visitor. Angrily his mom asked why Josh couldn't just get out, but Josh wasn't going to move. They settled on having his mother visit him and then his father, next.  
Josh didn't move from his chair next Tyler as his mom cried over him. She whispered things that Josh couldn't hear, probably because she didn't want him to hear. “My baby boy,” Josh heard his mother whisper. “How could I let this happen?”  
Josh felt the need to step up and tell her that maybe if they didn't abandon their children every night to go out to get drunk then Tyler wouldn't have felt so alone. Maybe if they were there for him, he wouldn't have felt the need to end his pain in suicide.  
But Josh stayed silent until his mother began to stare at him for an uncomfortable amount of time. “May I help you?”   
“You may. Who are you and why were you holding my son’s hand earlier?”  
“Why weren’t you here earlier?” Josh spit back in return.  
“We had prior arrangements,” Mrs. Joseph responded.  
“Arrangements more important than your son’s life?”  
She didn’t respond. “I’m Josh,” he continued. “I’m the one that picked your son’s lifeless body off of your kitchen floor. I’m the one that called 9-1-1. I’m the one that got him to wake up and make him puke up the pills he had taken. I’m the one that rode with him in the back of the ambulance while he cried. Who are you?”  
“I’m-I’m his terrible mother…” She began crying.  
Then Josh felt bad. He looked over at Tyler while he slept, with the tubes down his throat. Tyler wouldnt want Josh being this mean to his mother while this dire of a situation was going on, even if Josh thought that she deserved it. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Josh said. “You’re not terrible.”  
But before either of them could continue the machine next to Tyler beeped, and one of the nurses came in and announced that they were done pumping his stomach and that he would awake any minute now, since the anesthesia was supposed to last as long as the machine did.  
It took ten minutes for Tyler to open his eyes. Josh and Mrs. Joseph just sat there, not saying a word, staring at tyler until he awoke. At first, he seemed dazed and drunk. “Where am I?” He asked. Josh assumed that his mother would take over but she just looked at him with a forgiving look, like she was asking him to explain  
“You're in the hospital, pal. You just got your stomach pumped. You took a whole bunch of pills and if they hadn't of pumped it all out, you may have died.”  
“I’m so sorry.” He moved his hand up to his forehead and touched the bandaging. “What happened to my head?” Then he saw his wrist. “What did i do to myself?”  
“You.... you cut yourself. Pretty badly, to say the least. And then you took a whole bunch of Tylenol. You were talking to me on the phone when you passed out. You hit the floor pretty badly. They said you have a concussion and a small laceration, but nothing more, at least for your head. They said that you may lose a little bit of movement in your hand because of the tendon being severed. How are you feeling?”  
Tyler felt terrible, to say the least. His head hurt worse than his normal migraines and his hand felt like it had been cut off. His fingers were hard to move, except for his pointer finger and his thumb. He could still feel and move those two. At least i can hold a pencil, ha, Tyler thought to himself.  
“How come I’m not dead?” Tyler thought aloud. He wasn't sure at this point if he wanted to be dead or not. He looked around the white room but the only thing he could see was Josh, in all his blue-haired, tiger-growl grin glory.  
“I called 9-1-1 and made you throw up most of the stuff you had in your stomach. They said if I hadn't done that you may have died. I’m just glad you’res till here,” Josh whispered the last bit as he grabbed Tyler’s hand again. Tyler looked over at his mother, who nodded, with a grin. Tyler smiled.  
“I’m glad I’m here too. I want to live until I’m old.”


	5. Part Five

A week passed very quickly and quietly for Tyler, in the hospital, though he knew he would be there longer. Suicide patients normally stayed for upwards around two to three weeks. Tyler didn't mind the hospital, he just missed going to school, for some reason. But he knew the reason, he missed seeing and hanging out with Josh on a normal, friendly basis.  
The day that Tyler decided to unveil his song for Josh, the nurses helped him set up speakers in his room and his mother brought in his little ukulele amp. He had already had his laptop with him and had been mixing Josh's beat with the piano melody that would undertone the song. Tyler had been practicing this song for hours, only because he had nothing to do but sit in his bed while a nurse watched him. He didn't mind it, though.   
The nurses were very encouraging. They would give him extra pain medication when his wrist would start hurting from overplaying, even when they were supposed to be weaning him off of the medication. They would sit in the back of the room and smile as he would try and figure out the perfect chord progression. Often, they would ask questions about the song. Like /who is it about?/ To which Tyler would reply, Joshua William Dun, the boy with mocha eyes and a tiger-growl grin who had stolen his heart.   
After hours, Tyler would spend numerous hours perfecting the lyrics to this magical song, since he wasn't allowed to play as he would awake the other occupants. One day, he had a whole bunch of the other patients gather in his room as his mother helped him set up his laptop to the speakers and his ukulele to his amp. He played the song for them as they watched in awe of the boys talent. Tyler wasn't sure if the lyrics at that point in time, but as he watched the smiles of both the young and old grow, he knew it would be perfect. All of them clapped as Tyler took a bow, then apologized for moon his mom in his gown.   
Tyler got to know many of the patients in his hallway. There was Marissa, a fifteen year old girl that was undergoing chemotherapy. She had lost most her hair already. There was Tomy, a boy who was in the same boat as Tyler. He was seventeen and tried taking his life but suffocation. He had bruises of hand prints on his neck but no one pointed them out. Then there was Bernie, one of Tyler's favorites. He was an old war veteran who had survived a heart attack. They wouldn't let him be discharged because of his dementia, so Tyler spent the time he wasn't writing or playing with Bern, as he called him.   
He would share old war stories with Tyler, but would forget halfway through and start babbling about that days pie. Tyler enjoyed his presence. Almost as much as he enjoyed Josh's.   
Josh would visit every single day at four o'clock pm, after school, and would bring him a different special treat. Sometimes it was cheetos, sometimes it was homemade chocolate chip cookies. But he always brought his cute grin with him.   
Today Tyler would wait for Josh will much anxiety in his chest, something he hadn't felt since he had a crush on Silvia Greene in the eighth grade. It felt like such a silly feeling to Tyler, as he sat with his ukulele, in a gown for heaven's sake. He felt overall silly, but in a good. In a head over heels way.  
Before Josh was to arrive Tyler sat with Bern and listened to Head Over Heels by Tears for Fears. “This is the song my daughter and I danced to at her wedding,” Bern told Tyler. Tyler quietly smiled and looked at the clock. Fifteen minutes until Josh arrived. Every single fiber of Tyler’s being wanted kiss Josh at this exact moment, with the music playing in the background. It made Tyler feel invincible. Josh just had to say yes. He just had to.  
“You really love this boy dont you?” Bern suddenly asked. The song containing in the background, “It’s hard to be a man when there’s a gun in your hand. I feel so…”  
Tyler thought about how long he had known Josh. He had only known him for two weeks but he felt like he had known him for an eternity. All the laughs and smiles and quick glances they had shared. All the the things Tyler knew about Josh...Like how he’d only ever eat a milkshake with french fries and that he hated winter but loved the fall because the leaves changed colors beneath his feet with a crunch. Tyler loved the expression that Josh made when he was confused and the way he would laugh when he was uncomfortable.Tyler also loved how Josh would wear sunglasses in the dark when they went out together and the way he would share his drinks with Tyler. Tyler could think of dozens of things that he loved about Josh and not one thing that he hated. “Yeah, I really do love this boy,” Tyler whispered in reply, still thinking of all the little quirks he loved about Josh.  
“Back in my day, I loved a man,” Bernie said quietly clasping his hands together.  
“But, thought you were married?” Tyler asked confused.  
“I loved a man back in the days where loving a man was forbidden. You youngins are so lucky now, You can love almost anyone and not be shamed for it.”  
“What was his name?”  
“His name was David. We were in the war together. We were the best of friends. Wouldn't have been able to tell that we loved each other like we did if you hadn't been close to us. Homophobia back then was in fashion. Almost everything that is frowned upon now was in fashion then. Homophobia, transphobia, racism. I was a man of ahead of my time, always had been. I feel a lot more connected now than I did back then. I loved a man and I lost him. I still think of him now that my wife is gone as well. Maybe our futures together would have been different if we were born later. What do you think?”  
“I’m sorry for your losses, sir.” Thats all Tyler could really say.  
As Bernie reminisced on his old days, Tyler got a text from Josh: I’ll be up in about five minutes. The cookies got everywhere in the car. I hit a sharp turn, Sorry about that, pal. xx  
“Are you going to stay and watch the performance, Bern?” Tyler asked as he stood up, his heart monitor beeping at him loudly.  
“I best not intrude anymore. I’ll go back to my room, good luck, old sport.” Bern smiled his almost toothless smile and returned to his room in his slow fashion.  
“Mom!” Tyler called. “Monica! Come help me set up. Josh is almost here!”  
With only five minutes to prepare as Josh was coming, Monica, Tyler’s nurse, and his mother helped him set up the amps and speakers as Tyler made sure Josh’s drum track was ready to go. Tyler’s mother smiled widely at him from the corner of the room as they finished. Tyler smiled back, semi-quivering in his stance. He was nervous as ever.  
Josh arrived with a small plate of cookies, “Hey sorry, most of the cookies were bad once i hit that turn so i got about five good ones if that’s all good with you…” He stopped and looked up at Tyler, who was standing next to his bed holding a ukulele that was hooked up to an amp, his laptop open on his bed, also hooked up to some speakers. “What’s going on?” Josh smiled his cute lil grin.  
“Remember the sick beats were recorded so i could borrow them?”  
“I don't remember the word borrow being the keyword at the time, but yes.” Josh smiled even wider, his eyes becoming wide with excitement.  
“Take a seat,” Tyler beckoned. “Take a seat and enjoy.” He first hit play on his laptop and waited for the drumbeats and piano start. Then he added the ukulele. While he was performing, all Tyler could see was Josh. All he could do was smile.  
YEAH YEAH YEAH!

Josh could hear his drum beats behind the ukulele and the piano/ Tyler had heard something in Josh’s shitty music and made it into something beautiful. Tyler was beautiful. Everything he did was beautiful and focused and full of meaning, in Josh’s mind.

We don't believe what's on TV, Tyler continued, with a little half smile on his face.  
Because it's what we want to see.  
And what we want we know we can't believe,  
We have all learned to kill our dreams.

I need to know  
That when I fail you'll still be here.  
Cause if you stick around, I'll sing you pretty sounds.  
And we'll make money selling your hair.

Josh smiled at this part. To be completely honest, he hadn't stopped smiling since Tyler had began. He thought all the little inside jokes were perfect. From not believing what's on TV, to selling Josh’s hair. It’s the perfect song, Josh thought. Josh also thought Tyler looked adorable in his little gown. He was a little bean. A little bean singing and dancing with his little ukulele.

I don't care what's in your hair.  
I just wanna know what's on your mind,  
I used to say I wanna die before I'm old,  
But because of you I might think twice.

yeah yeah yeah!  
yeah yeah yeah!

Alright, second verse:  
What if my dream does not happen?  
Would I just change what I've told my friends?  
Don't want to know who I would be  
When i wake up from a dreamer’s sleep.

I need to know  
That when I fail you'll still be here.  
Cause if you stick around, I'll sing you pretty sounds.  
And we'll make money selling your hair.

But I don't care what's in your hair.  
I just wanna know what's on your mind.  
I used to say i wanna die before in old,  
But because of you i might think twice.

I don't care what's in your hair.  
I just wanna know what's on your mind.  
I used to say i wanna die before in old,  
But because of you i might think twice.

yeah yeah yeah!  
oh!  
yeah yeah yeah!

Tyler was out of breath by the time he had finished, but he just stood there staring at Josh, as he had just poured his heart out to him. And Josh couldn't help but just sit there and stare at Tyler either. Both of the boys didn't say anything for a minute, just soaking in the resonance between them; the momentous happenings that had just unfolded between them. A breaking point in their relationship.  
And the Josh stood up and clapped, “That was…” But before he could finish his sentence Tyler stepped forward and pressed his lips to Josh’s, feeling his soul through his kiss. Josh was warm and and full of compassion, he reminded Tyler of the sun.  
Josh returned the kiss by pulling Tyler closer to him with his left hand and placing his right hand on the nape of Tyler’s neck. Tyler tasted like cough syrup and hospital but Josh didn't mind. He still felt sweet and full of love, like he knew he would feel.  
Tyler loved the feeling of Josh on him, he felt as if they molded perfectly together. Their lips moved together as Tyler guided Josh to the hospital bed, where they sat, Tyler with his hands on Josh’s face and Josh, with his hands in Tyler’s hair. And they kissed until they couldn’t get enough of each other.   
Tyler kissed Josh until his lips were dripping with stolen compassion and sunshine.  
Josh kissed Tyler until he was filled up with diligence and strength.  
As Tyler pulled away, he looked up at Josh, his mocha eyes illuminating. “That was…” Tyler began,  
“Yeah,” Josh finished, with a smile. “I’ve been waiting two weeks to do that.”  
“Hey Josh?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Will you uh…” Tyler stammered, suddenly nervous once again. He had just had the most amazing kiss of his entire life, with the boy of his dreams and now he was afraid he would fuck everything up.  
Josh looked at him with knowing eyes, lifting his chin and kissing him lightly, once again. “Yes?”  
Tyler grabbed Josh’s hand for support as he gathered the emotional strength to get the stupid question out of his mouth. “Will you be my boyfriend?”  
“Of course, dummy,” Josh replied, squeezing Tyler’s hand.  
Then they laid back on Tyler’s bed, Josh’s arm around Tyler’s shoulders, their heads resting together as the boy’s stared at each other. “Oh my god,” Tyler whispered.  
“What?”  
“I think i have the most perfect boyfriend, ever.”  
“Oh shut up, you silly goose. I obviously have the most perfect boyfriend,” Josh replied.  
“Make me,” Tyler offered.  
“Oh I will,” Josh returned, biting his lip.


End file.
